An ungrateful post – by a girl who loves life and is grateful to be alive. 

 On the 7th June this year I was riding my bike, crashed into a barrier and nearly died. The injuries I sustained were extensive and if you are unaware of what they were you can read about them here – The Day of the Accident

Prior to the accident  as part of my normal daily routine I journaled. Included in the information that I wrote about was a daily list of five things I am grateful about. One of the injuries I sustained in the accident was a broken left arm. I write with my left hand so it became impossible for me to physically write in my journal and thus write down what I was grateful about. I already had this blog so I decided to use this platform to record what I am grateful about each day. This has been very therapeutic as I have stayed positive and it has been useful to communicate my progress with all my friends. It has not just been a one way form of communication. I have had constant messages of support and encouragement each day. 

I am an advocate of the benefits of practicing gratefulness  (you can read about some of those benefits here – Gratitude ) but  I also believe in balance. It would be lying if I said I was grateful all the time. I haven’t been. Today I thought I would record some of the things I am not grateful about. I don’t want my friends to feel sorry for me nor do I want sympathy. I just think it is unrealistic to give the impression that I am grateful all the time. I would like to warn anyone reading this that the following list contains language that is unladylike. 

I can’t do anything about the following issues. The words I use a lot are ” it just is”. I am not the same person as the person I was before the accident. But “it just is”. 


Falling off my bike was fucked and it hurt……a lot.

It is crap not being able to go for a ride because I am broken and so is my bike.

I can’t do up my own bra it hurts too much.

If I wear tight jeans for too long the scar on my tummy aches.

I can’t lift my arm because it has been immobile for four months.

I have had constant pain for 4 months – it is not bad pain but it exists. 

I have spent the last four months healing and as a result  I feel like an observer of life rather than someone who is fully engaged in my life.

I can’t write anything without it hurting. 

I had to defer my study which sucks because I was going to be finished by the end of the year.

I stopped my singing lessons because I couldn’t take deep breaths.

I haven’t been able to wear my wedding ring on the right hand since my arm was operated on because my fingers are still too swollen.

I can’t do weights or swim because I have a risk of a rotator cuff injury to my shoulder as it has been so immobile for so long.

I get tired after walking a few kilometers. 

I am sleeping on the opposite side of the bed because I have trouble getting in and out the normal side.

I can’t lie on my tummy it hurts too much.

I hate that I have caused so much distress to my family and friends.

I read a lot that something good will come out of all this – that is fucked. Could someone please tell me now what that is because I am sick of waiting. 

I am not a natural athlete so any time I spend off the bike I know I am losing touch with my friends skills and speed. I know that everyone has times off the bike but I hate the fact that I may never ride at the same level again. 

I am getting better and I will be totally better sometime. It is just a matter of time. So for the moment “it just is” and I am ok with that.   


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11 Responses to An ungrateful post – by a girl who loves life and is grateful to be alive. 

  1. Michele Taylor says:

    Great Blog ……it just is ! Xx

  2. Karen says:

    Hi Jen

    You have every right to feel ungrateful. That’s normal. We are always told that good will come from everything bad, and sometimes it’s hard to find that “good”.

    I know how hard and frustrating it is to get back on a bike and try and regain strength and fitness. I also know your task is tougher in several ways.

    However I am offering to help you by riding with you…”Ride to get Jen T. back…”
    Perhaps you can arrange a time outside the usual organised rides and you can set the distance, route and the pace. I will ride with you.

    I work full time but off alternate Mondays. I work one in three weekends and get two weekdays off. If you set up an event (events) and I can make it – I will ride with you! I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised at the support you would get!

    We have been doing an easy night ride on Monday nights as well. Its a group on fb called “Northern Night Ninjas” It’s slow and steady and just on 30km. It’s great fun and no pressure.

    Biggest hug to you my friend.

  3. Theresa says:

    I will ride with you too Jen.

  4. Meredith says:

    This is the young and yang, it’s normal. We’re with you Jen. Love Mere

  5. Annie says:

    Sweetheart knowing you and teaching you yoga for quite a few years this has made my day. Yes its hard and sad and fucked in so many ways and layers but you have been so honest and truthful and I thank you for this beautiful painful sharing of your real feelings. You are doing so well and I’m very proud of you. I’m not teaching at the moment honey but I will again and we will share some deep amazing pure yoga again. Take care and keep that honesty up its a rarity. love Annie – Your yoga teacher, friend and fan Jen!

    • admin says:

      Thank you so much Annie. I am not up to yoga yet but I am considering a yoga retreat or meditation retreat next year sometime . If you have any recommendations I would be very appreciative . When you are back teaching again please let me know and I will come. You have a lovely day gorgeous . All my love Jen xxx

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