Week Thirty Two Thursday’s Grateful List 

Today I am revisiting a post from last year. After writing down what I am struggling with yesterday I thought it would be constructive to go back to my last ungrateful post and compare how far I have come. So here is the post.

On the 10th June 2015 I was riding my bike, crashed into a barrier and nearly died. The injuries I sustained were extensive and if you are unaware of what they were you can read about them here – The Day of the Accident.

Prior to the accident as part of my normal daily routine I journaled. Included in the information that I wrote about was a daily list of five things I am grateful about. One of the injuries I sustained in the accident was a broken left arm. I write with my left hand so it became impossible for me to physically write in my journal and thus write down what I was grateful about. I already had this blog so I decided to use this platform to record what I am grateful about each day. This has been very therapeutic as I have stayed positive and it has been useful to communicate my progress with all my friends. It has not just been a one way form of communication. I have had constant messages of support and encouragement each day. 
I am an advocate of the benefits of practicing gratefulness (you can read about some of those benefits here – Gratitude).but I also believe in balance. It would be lying if I said I was grateful all the time. I haven’t been. Today I thought I would record some of the things I am not grateful about. I don’t want my friends to feel sorry for me nor do I want sympathy. I just think it is unrealistic to give the impression that I am grateful all the time. I would like to warn anyone reading this that the following list contains language that is unladylike. 
I can’t do anything about the following issues. The words I use a lot are ” it just is”. I am not the same person as the person I was before the accident. But “it just is”. 
WHAT I AM NOT GRATEFUL ABOUT. 
Falling off my bike was fucked and it hurt……a lot. This is still the same.
It is crap not being able to go for a ride because I am broken and so is my bike. I have been looking at new bikes. 
I can’t do up my own bra it hurts too much. I can do up my bra. 
If I wear tight jeans for too long the scar on my tummy aches. It is summer so I am mostly wearing loose clothing. 
I can’t lift my arm because it has been immobile for four months. I can now lift my arm and I am allowed to swim. 
I have had constant pain for 4 months – it is not bad pain but it exists. I still have pain but I think it is improving.
I have spent the last four months healing and as a result I feel like an observer of life rather than someone who is fully engaged in my life. I am much more engaged in life and really the only thing that is different is study and exercise. 
I can’t write anything without it hurting. I am writing again. 
I had to defer my study which sucks because I was going to be finished by the end of the year. I will go back to study in September.
I stopped my singing lessons because I couldn’t take deep breaths. I will go back to singing this term. My breathing is normal. 
I haven’t been able to wear my wedding ring on the right hand since my arm was operated on because my fingers are still too swollen. I still can’t wear any rings on my left hand. 
I can’t do weights or swim because I have a risk of a rotator cuff injury to my shoulder as it has been so immobile for so long. I am starting weights today and hopefully swimming next week. 
I get tired after walking a few kilometers. I can walk 12kms slowly . 
I am sleeping on the opposite side of the bed because I have trouble getting in and out the normal side. I am sleeping on my normal side of the bed and have no trouble getting in and out. 
I can’t lie on my tummy it hurts too much. I can lie on my tummy. 
I hate that I have caused so much distress to my family and friends. I still hate this. 
I read a lot that something good will come out of all this – that is fucked. Could someone please tell me now what that is because I am sick of waiting. I still don’t know what this is. 
I am not a natural athlete so any time I spend off the bike I know I am losing touch with my friends skills and speed. I know that everyone has times off the bike but I hate the fact that I may never ride at the same level again. I will ride again.I will ride differently. I will become a better rider.  
I am getting better and I will be totally better sometime. It is just a matter of time. So for the moment “it just is” and I am ok with that.  I need to remind myself of this daily. 

  



  

    

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3 Responses to Week Thirty Two Thursday’s Grateful List 

  1. Meredyth says:

    This is not Greek tragedy where things aren’t so bad they can’t get worse. Hang in for further improvement. Hope you find keeping a sense of humour helps at times.

  2. I think it’s so great to look at the greater process of recovery. Our human nature is so quick to look at what’s wrong and seems to have such a tough time looking at what’s going right. Progress is made in such small proportions. But looking back at where we’ve come from is the greatest way to know we are growing and being who we want to become. Well done!

  3. T says:

    So therapeutic to see how far you have come! I do this too. I have journaled since I was a girl. X

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