Well today I got up determined to do a solid wind trainer and commit to getting back on my bike in a serious way.
I couldn’t put my bike on the dam wind trainer. I couldn’t get my Garmin to work. I couldn’t get my legs to work. My bottom hurt. I cried.
I got off my bike. And so this morning I am going to have an ungrateful moment. I know I have a wonderful wonderful life and I am alive and I have a wonderful family and I have amazing holidays but……
I have put on weight – lots.
My fitness is shit .
I am not back riding properly yet .
Every time I get a bit closer to getting fitter something happens – health issues or holiday plans.
We had a holiday where my husband cycled so he got fitter and I got fatter.
I hate wind training. The reason I ride my bike is to enjoy the outdoors, see the scenery and chat. You do none of these things on a wind trainer.
Since the accident the color the hairdresser uses on my head feels like a whole lot of little ants biting my head. I am having my hair done today and I have decided if it hurts today I will stop dying my hair for a while. I have been blonde for most of my life so this is going to be really hard…..
I am doing Pilates to get some strength in my core. It is so boring. I know it is good for me but it is so boring….
I am walking and I love the scenery but it is lonely. I walk sometimes with friends but I am trying to walk quite a few times a week and it is lonely.
I watch my friends do amazing things and events on their bikes and I will probably never do those sort of events again and that makes me really sad.
I watch my fellow students finish their course and I haven’t even gone back to study yet. I should have finished my Graduate Diploma in Counselling last year and that makes me sad too because I would like to be out there using the skills I have learnt so far.
I am spending quite a lot of money and time on Pilates, Physio and the chiropractor to get stronger and reduce my back pain.
Just as an aside my freezer and dishwasher died this week.
I want my life to go back to the way it was before my accident but I can’t turn back time.
Ok I think I have had enough of a whinge. Tomorrow is a new day and I will be grateful tomorrow but just for today I am not.